Watching and waiting for Shock and Awe. A diplomatically dickless Shrub of a man straining to discharge an American Apocalypse upon the Cradle of Civilization. At least that's how it looks to those of us in the cheap seats. Of course, we're all still praying for a peaceful resolution to this madness. Yes, in this case, let's just hope our government is lying to us. Maybe Shock and Awe is just a big bad bluff. Wouldn't that be nice? But we're not holding our breath. Just holding our noses.

In the meantime, I have a fantasy of how to "enlighten" Bush. It's inspired by all the anti-war protests involving people (mostly women) laying their naked bodies on the ground to spell out PEACE. My fantasy involves myself and a few of my own buddies (mostly female) giving Bush a little Bukkake Bombing of our own. I'm talking sex here, darling, nothing lethal, of course. Make love, not war.

How would we ladies do this? Well, if you keep up with your sex news, you know that men aren't the only ones who can spray their partners with their love fluids. There is such a thing as female ejaculation. That is, just like men, many women can "squirt" genital fluid (without the sperm, of course) when we orgasm, sometimes clear across a room.

With that in mind, picture me and some of my girlfriends, like sexy Kim, Melanie, Didi, Kelly Steele, Linda Mac, Laura Moore, and Sarah Roberts, maybe some of the gorgeous Trashy Girls who cheered when I yelled "Drop Bras, Not Bombs!" at the end of the show last Saturday. Picture us in the Oval Office (the same one where Billy Jeff left his semen stains), all naked or just wearing Trashy stockings and heels, each of us strategically positioned around the Shrub. There he'd be sitting, all tied up (obviously, this would be Japanese-style Bukkake, since I doubt Georgie-poo would do it willingly, though I could be wrong about that), in his $9000 suit (we don't need to see his puny package), with all of us ejaculatrixes talking dirty and shouting anti-war slogans, each of us taking turns jilling off on the Prez, rapid-fire to achieve Rapid Dominance, full coverage within minutes. One of us would wear a white-haired wig, pearl choker, and frumpy blue dress, making herself look like Mommy (the only woman he cares about pleasing). I'd also include a few cute guys, like French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villespin who says he "loves" America, and I believe him. We'd all just love-bomb the Bushman in a big international, multicultural, co-ed, DNA-spraying Bukkake Bombing Crusade until he has that "enlightenment" experience, that "Shock and Awe" that would lead him to see the diplomatically dumb, dangerous audacity of his ways.

Then maybe he'd stop this nonsense, tell the world he was only bluffing to get Saddam to really step up to the Inspection plate, pull up his pants and come back to Crawford a hero. A Village Idiot of a hero with a lot of come (egg?) on his face, a big bill to pay and a load of manure on his boots, but a hero nonetheless – Bukkake Links.